7. How does my partner feel?
And that is the most important question. You know how you feel. But you can only guess how your partner truly feels. This is the reason for most misunderstandings, misjudging our partner’s feelings when confronting them with issues.
If you accuse them of something serious and they start acting defensive, this is not necessarily an admittance of guilt. This is a natural reaction to suddenly being thrown into court.
The most important rule here is: don’t assume.
You will only make things worse if you give your own assumptions more weight than your partner’s answer. And you already lose a lot of trust if you make an accusation that later on turns out to be baseless.
This has also been the last straw that almost ripped my relationship apart. I accused my partner of a crime they never committed. And during that ordeal, I was so focused on whether they did it or not, that I not once bothered asking them how they felt.
Your partner’s feelings should not only be important in such a situation, though. You should always be wondering how your partner feels. When they feel stressed out from work, give them some room. Or be there for them as the anchor in the storm. If they feel down, you may be the only one who can cheer them up. If they can’t even trust their own partner, who else is there?